i'm at an outdoor restaurant. it's sunny and there are red n white striped umbrellas covering the tables on green grass. i sit down across from a brown-haired whiteboy i've never seen before, and we order escargot. when it arrives, it's actually ham, and i tell the waitress excuse me, i'm vegan. i try to look at her face but i can't, all i see is a glowing white button-up shirt and black bow tie.
"you're not vegan, and snails are animals too."
i'm embarrassed - she's right on both counts.
i spot my mom and dad eating a few tables away. i realize with a wave of panic that this is the restaurant at which i'm supposed to meet them. i hide behind my menu, but it's a paper-back novel, much too small.
my mom walks over to the table with a look that i've never seen on her face before: total stone-cold [steve austin] blankness, with an edge. her eyes are black.
"did you bring the tickets?"
i forgot them at home.
she knows without me saying the words aloud, and she rolls her eyes, walks back to their table. my guilt is overwhelming, i beg her to forgive me, i'm so sorry, i fucked up so bad. i don't leave my table, i'm just yelling to her grabbing the sides of our little table with white knuckles. i hear my voice, i sound hysterical. it's like she can't hear me, puts on her jacket and walks away with my dad.
the dude i'm sitting with watches me cry. tears gather slowly in my eyes until they cover my vision entirely and i'm looking at the world through water, then i feel the tension break and fluid collapse over the edge of my eyelids, huge tears rolling like marbles down my face, thick and slow.
he tells me it's time to go, and we walk into a dirty public bathroom with a flickering fluorescent light and one stall. the tile floor is covered in black mold. faucet's dripping, the sink is clogged. he walks into the stall and i wait by the door for him to finish. i hear the toilet flush at the same time i see the faucet start spewing with this tremendous force. the sink overflows and water is rushing around my feet. a giant wave crashes out of the stall and almost sweeps me away, but i run out the door and slam it behind me. water pours out of the grate near the bottom of the door, but i know i'm safe from the wave.
i stand there a moment to catch my breath, hearing the air sweep in and out of me in tearful gasps. i realize my breathing is all i can hear, echoing through this indiscernible hallway.
i'm entirely alone now, so afraid.
waking up to a verizon stock ringtone is hella jarring and unpleasant jus sayin
